Jerking the Trigger

The laws for posting gun and gun related pictures on Instagram are mostly unwritten but they are rigorously enforced. I figure it is about time someone codified them for reference. I’m no good at chiseling things into stone tablets so typing them here will have to do.

Proof that I follow the Instagram Gun Picture Laws.

1. When in doubt, turn up the Structure and Vignette. You may work in a cubicle but you can always add some grit and mystery with Structure and Vignette. Don’t be stingy. Turn it up.
2. You must place magazines or ammo into a holiday-specific shape on holidays. Make a heart on Valentine’s Day, spell out the numerals for the year on New Year’s Day, etc. It’s a great way to humblebrag about how many magazines you have. Bonus humblebrag points are awarded for making shapes out of firearms or suppressors.
3. Action pictures don’t count unless there is brass in the air or muzzle flash. If there is no brass or muzzle flash, its probably a posed picture.
4. You must use an approved background for all gun pictures. Approved backgrounds include concrete (smooth or textured), weathered wood boards (example: decking or a rustic fence), gravel, pick up truck beds, or a firewood pile.
5. Guns must never be placed squarely in frame. Turn them at an angle. It’s the law.
6. No one wants to see your face. Crop it out… except leave a hint of beard in the picture. That way everyone will know you have a beard which is one of the 3 keys to being taken seriously as an Instagram gun guy.
7. No one will know you drive a nice car unless you lean your rifle against the wheel or bumper once in a while. Be sure we can see the badge! This is the only exception to rule 4.
8. Flex. How else will we know that you work out?
9. Spilling a little ammo next to your gun and laying a paper target in frame makes it look like you are about to train. Alternately, you can use spent brass and holes in the target punched with a pencil to look like you just finished training. No one on Instagram trains (or lets people think they train) more than you.
10. Cleavage. You’ll never get any work at SHOT Show without it.

Note: There is no Instagram Gun Picture Law requiring you to share the distance from which you shot your target or to show your target after posting a  video of you shooting fast (and looking cool). That’s what we call a loophole.

Did we miss any? Tell us your proposed additions in the comments.