The laws for posting gun and gun related pictures on Instagram are mostly unwritten but they are rigorously enforced. I figure it is about time someone codified them for reference. I’m no good at chiseling things into stone tablets so typing them here will have to do.
- When in doubt, turn up the Structure and Vignette. You may work in a cubicle but you can always add some grit and mystery with Structure and Vignette. Don’t be stingy. Turn it up.
- You must place magazines or ammo into a holiday-specific shape on holidays. Make a heart on Valentine’s Day, spell out the numerals for the year on New Year’s Day, etc. It’s a great way to humblebrag about how many magazines you have. Bonus humblebrag points are awarded for making shapes out of firearms or suppressors.
- Action pictures don’t count unless there is brass in the air or muzzle flash. If there is no brass or muzzle flash, its probably a posed picture.
- You must use an approved background for all gun pictures. Approved backgrounds include concrete (smooth or textured), weathered wood boards (example: decking or a rustic fence), gravel, pick up truck beds, or a firewood pile.
- Guns must never be placed squarely in frame. Turn them at an angle. It’s the law.
- No one wants to see your face. Crop it out… except leave a hint of beard in the picture. That way everyone will know you have a beard which is one of the 3 keys to being taken seriously as an Instagram gun guy.
- No one will know you drive a nice car unless you lean your rifle against the wheel or bumper once in a while. Be sure we can see the badge! This is the only exception to rule 4.
- Flex. How else will we know that you work out?
- Spilling a little ammo next to your gun and laying a paper target in frame makes it look like you are about to train. Alternately, you can use spent brass and holes in the target punched with a pencil to look like you just finished training. No one on Instagram trains (or lets people think they train) more than you.
- Cleavage. You’ll never get any work at SHOT Show without it.
Note: There is no Instagram Gun Picture Law requiring you to share the distance from which you shot your target or to show your target after posting a video of you shooting fast (and looking cool). That’s what we call a loophole.
Did we miss any? Tell us your proposed additions in the comments.