Everyone likes swag but few people take swag to the level of the swag monkey. The swag monkey has a nose for swag – he can smell it from 5 miles away and has a knack for schmoozing his way into bags of it. The swag monkey will simply not be denied when cheap key-chain flashlights, koozies, stickers, free pens, magnets, coasters, key-chains, patches, and other assorted baubles are on the line.
Is that a pig shaped key-chain with LEDs in its nose? The swag monkey already has 3. There are free fanny packs with built in AM/FM radios three rows over? Get out of the swag monkey’s way! Only suckers spend money on things like drinking glasses. The swag monkey has service for 8 with his collapsible drinking cups from that laser hair removal place. Is it made in China, made from toxic paint and fragile plastic, and free? The swag monkey wants it!